The-Bruce's Quake-Tips

The-Bruce is here to help his pals play like a pro. You will need a few things:

 

First, You don't want any distractions, so you need a fully belly.  So get yourself a big dirty curry delivered like this green one:
The big advantage of curry is that it tastes the same coming up as it did going down, but if you can't manage it, 2 kebabs will do.
 

Next, you need a nice steady hand, The-Bruce calms his nerves with several packets of 100% vegetarian fags.  Note the splash-proof tin The-Bruce keeps them in, just in case the curry returns at speed.  It can be frustrating trying to light a soggy fag.
 

Now the most important ingredient of a successful night's gaming - Lager (and lots of it).  Try and get the high-strength variety as this means less trips to the bog.  The-Bruce recommends around 20 cans of high-strength low-cost lager to give you that gaming edge. There are other advantages, just take a look at when The-Bruce was married to Anthea Turner in the 70s:

The-Bruce without beer-goggles - not happy:
The-Bruce WITH beer goggles - past caring:

The-Bruce's tactics work :)  Unfortunately The-Bruce took too much "Quake Juice"
and spent the rest of the night under his desk - hugging thy case.